The Better Half

Spouse, Life partner, significant other or as I love to call "the Better-Half". Many ways to address the most important (or one of the most important) person in one's life. What makes an ideal match or the perfect one ? Why is he or she called the better half?

Marriage is an institution where two individuals come together for a personal union. They vow to live (not same as spend) the whole life together. They plan to be together through the best, the good , the bad and even the ugly times for the whole life. They promise each other love, care, respect , support and everything that is required for a blissful living. Marriage is also said to be beginning of a new life. It changes the life of the two people in the relationship permanently and for the better. No wonder, the life partner is then called significant other or the better half.

If the relationship is always good and gives you only the positive - its ideal. But, hold on before wishing one for yourself. I sound skeptical and rightfully so. Why so? Well, if its always positive its good initially but then it would become lifeless, because, life by its inherent nature is dynamic. If we always had the happiness, we might not value it as much as we do, because, in course of life we come across some sad moments - feel the pain and realize the difference it makes to be happy than be sad. Thus, a longing for the happiness. On a parallel extension of this very logic, if a relationship is always positive or always negative it is not worth it! Then, what's a good relationship?

Since 'all positive' or 'all negative' is not desired, we're left with only two other types - 'net negative' and 'net positive'. 'Net positive' - That's the best type of relationship. Believe me, that's it all. It's the type of relationship which has the ups and the downs in a ratio such that the positive is always more than the negative so the net is always positive. Pleasantly the bond of the relationship strengthens after each such cycle. But, cycle is important because if the cycle doesn't complete then it morphs into 'net negative' or 'net positive' types. I'll prefer to stay away from discussing the net negative for the mood of the discussion.

What's an ideal match? What makes a net positive relationship? Frankly I dont have the answer to this. But I still have some notions of how it could be. To me the couple is like a team. They can be suited to combat all life situations if this team is well formed. Whats a well formed team? A well formed team is a team whose members have a good bonding and have a diverse skill set to be levraged in different situations that life springs up. Diverse skill set - seems so cliche. In fact it ain't. On face of it, any couple has diverse skill set because each individual is unique. But there are some deeper connotations that need a consideration.

Talking about the deeper connotations of the diverse skill set, it doesn't only mean one's skills and abilities, BUT, it also includes one's qualities and also the aspirations. If both the husband and the wife have the same qualities and same vices - I struggle to imagine how they would address the situations where their weakness makes them vulnerable. But Imagine the case where the two have qualities complimentary to each other, so, the weaknesses of one have the complimentary strengths in the other's personality and vice versa. I imagine them to be well equipped and poised to win over every situation in life. And this probably explains why the spouse is then called the better half. He/She brings in the qualities that are missing in you and hence, completes you. This makes for an ideal match. Elaborating on this if both the spouses are short tempered, chances are they both may be in fight more often. But if one is short tempered and the other one has a good tolerance and patience then the strength of the latter inspires the former to address their weakness.

Similarly, for aspirations also there has to be a complimentary alignment rather than the same alignment. How would a family of two career oriented spouses be like? Both of them would have a huge work load pressure and demand on their times. Since, irrespective of our social or financial status, we are only given 24 hours in a day. Both of them will be more like in a competition rather than synergy. Since this team has a "Cap"(limit) on the size as only two it ought to have the synergy rather than competition.

Like any human interaction there is certainly no fixed match condition. It might work in worst of the cases and may not even work for the best of the cases. Just because each one of us is an unique individual and depending on what circumstances and environment we grew up in, we garnered some qualities and also acquired a level of rigidity. So we may think we can change and match up the expectations for anyone, the real self may not quite allow that to happen ever. Thats why the decision is so crucial for a successful relationship.